Jan and Vivek and a shot from the ghats
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
New Friend
For the last few days, I have had a mystery in my kitchen. Sunday morning, I walked into the kitchen to find a chewed up, apple with apple skin laying around everywhere and some kind of strange animal poop draped over the counter. Hmmm... I thought, maybe a rat? ... No, poop is to big. Maybe a mongoose? How would it have gotten in (only a thin air grate and the kitchen door is always closed)? Ok, maybe it was not poop, but rat vomit. After all, apples are too healthy for rats, right? So, I cleaned up and hoped that it would not happen again.
Next morning there were two apples that had been skinned and partially chewed. Apple skin everywhere but no poop. Big Mystery!
Last night I was determined to find the culprit. Luckily, it was no challenge. When I came home and into the kitchen around 10PM, the rascal was snooping about the counter-top looking for the next meal. The little critter was not at all what I had expected. Immediately, I fell in love. He/She was about the size of a cat with a long bushy tail, big pointy ears, a long snout and huge nocturnal eyes! I was too stunned to think about taking a picture, wish I had.
So, the little guy freaked out and ran up the shelves to the place where he/she had been spending the last few days. Apparently, I had left the window open in the afternoon and critter had creeped in and consequently been locked in for 2-3 days. It looked so scared and cute. If it were not for the poop and the unwilful imprisonment, I would have loved to have critter for company!
After a little web search, the critter has been identified as an Indian Civit! It is even a rare species. How cool...
Ok, that is all for now, back to philosophy studies (right after some tea and cookies!)
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Tossing about in Kashi
Is anyone still checking in on this horribly faithless blog? Unfortunately, it is a direct reflection of any journal that I have ever tried to keep. A very good start, then a rapid petering out!
A lot has happened in the last month or two, far more than I can remember, a fair amount that I am happy to forget and a million endless details and visual vignettes that I wish I had written down.
After spending much of the last year in this city of Kashi and being subject to its many changing moods, I‘ve developed a true sense that this is hardly a place of this earth, rather it is an enigma of time and space, existing in its own vortex but encompassing the whole of earthly experience yet somehow suspended outside of it. While everything is a microcosm of the macrocosm, in Kashi it just so much more evident and intense.
This is not a place for the faint of heart or for those who are looking for comfort or a flower laden path to enlightenment. The whole city is a cremation ground. You come here for knowledge (jnana). Not intellectual knowledge, but the kind of knowledge that gives liberating insight and the deep seeing (darshan) that changes your entire consciousness of yourself and the world. Essentially, you are working for cremation of ignorance (avidya), for it is ignorance that is the essential impurity (mala) that keeps us separate from our divine essence (the Self, Consciousness, God, etc…).
Anyone who has ever tried to change a habit or a thought pattern that was causing disharmony their knows that old behaviour/thinking was based on ignorance (misperception, if you like) and when you try to rid yourself of the ignorance it is usually extraordinarily challenging. If you are here seeking knowledge, this place in space and time called Kashi is ready and willing to help, but pulling the teeth of the ignorance is as painful as you might imagine. And, for everyone I know, who is here studying, their deep, disharmonious ruts of thinking and behaving (samskaras) rapidly come to the forefront and demand addressing. There is no hiding here.
So, all this to say, that I’ve been involved in some major deconstruction of little self and confrontation of binding thoughts and behaviors. A really good yogini would be strong in her practice and watch all the turmoil on the surface as though they were just what they are- waves or ripples on a deep ocean that ultimately contains so much more than worldly experience. Turns out I am not that yogini. In my typical style, I dove into the waves and let them toss me about, experiencing to the fullest and for that matter, trying to get an understanding of what they were, how and why they moved, while at the same time loosing the feeling that really are connected to that much deeper calmer, more full aspect of the whole. I’m a bit tired of tossing around on the surface and ready again to rest in the stillness that is on the deeper level. Maybe I’ll dive in soon.
After a few months of spending 10+ hours a week in philosophy lectures, my head is a bit “done in” and I’ve decided that a philosopher I am definitely not! Too much thinking and not enough practice (meaning meditation and mantra - asana too!). Well, study is definitely practice (sadhana), but again, if you are not careful then it gets far to intellectual and can cause a disconnect at the heart. On the other hand, if you keep it connected to the heart, it can be supremely elevating.
On the more material level… The weather is changing (still coldish, but getting brighter and crisper), I’ve settled into a very shanti (peaceful) new home and I’ve rearranged my classes a bit. So maybe the next update, whenever it comes, will be a lot less blah, blah and have a few more details about the wonder that is to be experienced every day!
Ok, I’m off to lunch and for jaunt around to enjoy the beautiful weather!
I’ve decided to read a bit of what other people have written on the place. The main feeling I am having now is one of deep deconstruction of individual self. It is an interesting experience but not exactly easy.
A lot has happened in the last month or two, far more than I can remember, a fair amount that I am happy to forget and a million endless details and visual vignettes that I wish I had written down.
After spending much of the last year in this city of Kashi and being subject to its many changing moods, I‘ve developed a true sense that this is hardly a place of this earth, rather it is an enigma of time and space, existing in its own vortex but encompassing the whole of earthly experience yet somehow suspended outside of it. While everything is a microcosm of the macrocosm, in Kashi it just so much more evident and intense.
This is not a place for the faint of heart or for those who are looking for comfort or a flower laden path to enlightenment. The whole city is a cremation ground. You come here for knowledge (jnana). Not intellectual knowledge, but the kind of knowledge that gives liberating insight and the deep seeing (darshan) that changes your entire consciousness of yourself and the world. Essentially, you are working for cremation of ignorance (avidya), for it is ignorance that is the essential impurity (mala) that keeps us separate from our divine essence (the Self, Consciousness, God, etc…).
Anyone who has ever tried to change a habit or a thought pattern that was causing disharmony their knows that old behaviour/thinking was based on ignorance (misperception, if you like) and when you try to rid yourself of the ignorance it is usually extraordinarily challenging. If you are here seeking knowledge, this place in space and time called Kashi is ready and willing to help, but pulling the teeth of the ignorance is as painful as you might imagine. And, for everyone I know, who is here studying, their deep, disharmonious ruts of thinking and behaving (samskaras) rapidly come to the forefront and demand addressing. There is no hiding here.
So, all this to say, that I’ve been involved in some major deconstruction of little self and confrontation of binding thoughts and behaviors. A really good yogini would be strong in her practice and watch all the turmoil on the surface as though they were just what they are- waves or ripples on a deep ocean that ultimately contains so much more than worldly experience. Turns out I am not that yogini. In my typical style, I dove into the waves and let them toss me about, experiencing to the fullest and for that matter, trying to get an understanding of what they were, how and why they moved, while at the same time loosing the feeling that really are connected to that much deeper calmer, more full aspect of the whole. I’m a bit tired of tossing around on the surface and ready again to rest in the stillness that is on the deeper level. Maybe I’ll dive in soon.
After a few months of spending 10+ hours a week in philosophy lectures, my head is a bit “done in” and I’ve decided that a philosopher I am definitely not! Too much thinking and not enough practice (meaning meditation and mantra - asana too!). Well, study is definitely practice (sadhana), but again, if you are not careful then it gets far to intellectual and can cause a disconnect at the heart. On the other hand, if you keep it connected to the heart, it can be supremely elevating.
On the more material level… The weather is changing (still coldish, but getting brighter and crisper), I’ve settled into a very shanti (peaceful) new home and I’ve rearranged my classes a bit. So maybe the next update, whenever it comes, will be a lot less blah, blah and have a few more details about the wonder that is to be experienced every day!
Ok, I’m off to lunch and for jaunt around to enjoy the beautiful weather!
I’ve decided to read a bit of what other people have written on the place. The main feeling I am having now is one of deep deconstruction of individual self. It is an interesting experience but not exactly easy.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Finally pictures!!!
Ok, I may be too lazy to write, but here are some pictures of the last few weeks.There are pictures from the Tiwari's at Diwali, me dressed up for a wedding party, pictures of some yoga students and pictures of Baba and my friend Jnan Arjun! Enjoy. Life is crazy!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Back online
I have tried everything to procrastinate studying my Sanskrit grammar, so I guess it is time to pick up a little story line for those of you who might think I fell off the face of the earth. Really, falling from earth is exactly what happened, where I landed I am not sure, but it is exactly the right place.
So many things have happened since I last wrote on this thing. Life is certainly not all roses, and here it is really all shit and roses- literally and figuratively. There is not a whole lot in between. Probably, that is why I like it so much here. Life is either really beautiful or really, really ugly. In theory, that means that you are always skipping over the gap that is Center. The trick is recognizing when you hit the Center and then try and stay there. In reality what happen is you jump from extreme beautiful to extreme challenge and miss Center most of the time. At least I do!
So what has happened? I’ve moved into a new place from which I will move at the end of the month. After a big struggle to get the place painted and ready for occupancy, I’ve discovered that it is totally unsuitable for living/practice. Why? The power in Kashi goes out everyday from at least 9 or 10 AM until 2 or 3 PM and during that time, there is a mega generator that powers the Ayurvedic oil factory that is right below my room. When the generator is not making noise or sending diesel fumes up to my room then the factory wheels/pumps are squeaking and grinding. Oops… guess I should have paid a little more attention before I moved. I have found a place that is a little bit farther away but very peaceful. It is lighter, bigger and has a private rooftop where I can teach and practice! Much nicer! Twice the price. Instead of paying 1500RS ($39) I will have to pay 3000RS ($78) a month. Oh well, should be Ok!
The change in the season, really hit me hard around the end of November. I had a wicked fever for about 5 days and then some killer amoeba or other parasite for another 5-6 days. Could not eat for 5-6 days. Not a whole lot of fun. Now, I am working hard to put some weight back on (nutella, ghee, and nuts! Yum!) and try not to get sick again. Being really sick and without good friends close by can be really lonely! The Tiwari family, as usual, took really sweet care of me, but being sick just makes you feel homesick and sad.
In a week I will go to Bangalore for a little vacation to visit friends. Really looking forward to being in a new place for a few days! Kashi is great but a bit hard. It is really magical place, but sometimes too much magic over an extended period of time can get overwhelming. After all, not all magic is good!
After reading through those bleak paragraphs, don’t think that there are also not roses too! After getting “well” I have been to 3 great parties, attended inspiring lessons and found a great new café run by an American ex-pat. She is making pancakes, cappuccino and carrot cake! Hooray! So, when I get tired of the chapatti and dal, there is a treat awaiting!
Other roses. The other day, I was sitting at a chai shop (basically a bench next to a little stand with coal stove where a chai wala serves up hot goodness) and a lovely little calf walks up to me and tentatively put his head on my shoulder. I turn around to scratch his face and he nudges a little closer and puts his head in my lap. Oh so sweet! There are 1000s of cows and 1000s of Buffalo who live in the streets of Kashi. Occasionally, one of these sweet little guys will ask for some loving- but all too rarely
Last Sunday a friend at the Ashram finished up a 62 day Kali sadhana and did a lovely tantric fire ritual which represents the bringing together of Shiva and Shakti. The power that is created by these rituals and the fire brings you very close to cosmic pulsation (spanda). In between attending the puja I was helping Baba and others out in the kitchen. After the puja was finished we fed 30+ people a big lunch and then I was off to Tantrasara lessons. Totally exhausting, but inspiring!
Now, I have procrastinated enough and will head to bed! Tomorrow… Grammar!!
So many things have happened since I last wrote on this thing. Life is certainly not all roses, and here it is really all shit and roses- literally and figuratively. There is not a whole lot in between. Probably, that is why I like it so much here. Life is either really beautiful or really, really ugly. In theory, that means that you are always skipping over the gap that is Center. The trick is recognizing when you hit the Center and then try and stay there. In reality what happen is you jump from extreme beautiful to extreme challenge and miss Center most of the time. At least I do!
So what has happened? I’ve moved into a new place from which I will move at the end of the month. After a big struggle to get the place painted and ready for occupancy, I’ve discovered that it is totally unsuitable for living/practice. Why? The power in Kashi goes out everyday from at least 9 or 10 AM until 2 or 3 PM and during that time, there is a mega generator that powers the Ayurvedic oil factory that is right below my room. When the generator is not making noise or sending diesel fumes up to my room then the factory wheels/pumps are squeaking and grinding. Oops… guess I should have paid a little more attention before I moved. I have found a place that is a little bit farther away but very peaceful. It is lighter, bigger and has a private rooftop where I can teach and practice! Much nicer! Twice the price. Instead of paying 1500RS ($39) I will have to pay 3000RS ($78) a month. Oh well, should be Ok!
The change in the season, really hit me hard around the end of November. I had a wicked fever for about 5 days and then some killer amoeba or other parasite for another 5-6 days. Could not eat for 5-6 days. Not a whole lot of fun. Now, I am working hard to put some weight back on (nutella, ghee, and nuts! Yum!) and try not to get sick again. Being really sick and without good friends close by can be really lonely! The Tiwari family, as usual, took really sweet care of me, but being sick just makes you feel homesick and sad.
In a week I will go to Bangalore for a little vacation to visit friends. Really looking forward to being in a new place for a few days! Kashi is great but a bit hard. It is really magical place, but sometimes too much magic over an extended period of time can get overwhelming. After all, not all magic is good!
After reading through those bleak paragraphs, don’t think that there are also not roses too! After getting “well” I have been to 3 great parties, attended inspiring lessons and found a great new café run by an American ex-pat. She is making pancakes, cappuccino and carrot cake! Hooray! So, when I get tired of the chapatti and dal, there is a treat awaiting!
Other roses. The other day, I was sitting at a chai shop (basically a bench next to a little stand with coal stove where a chai wala serves up hot goodness) and a lovely little calf walks up to me and tentatively put his head on my shoulder. I turn around to scratch his face and he nudges a little closer and puts his head in my lap. Oh so sweet! There are 1000s of cows and 1000s of Buffalo who live in the streets of Kashi. Occasionally, one of these sweet little guys will ask for some loving- but all too rarely
Last Sunday a friend at the Ashram finished up a 62 day Kali sadhana and did a lovely tantric fire ritual which represents the bringing together of Shiva and Shakti. The power that is created by these rituals and the fire brings you very close to cosmic pulsation (spanda). In between attending the puja I was helping Baba and others out in the kitchen. After the puja was finished we fed 30+ people a big lunch and then I was off to Tantrasara lessons. Totally exhausting, but inspiring!
Now, I have procrastinated enough and will head to bed! Tomorrow… Grammar!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
4.11.07
I am sort of back on the electronic earth. Really I am 10x busier here than back in TX. How does it happen? I do not know. I'm sitting for about 18 hours of class a week (most is lecture, some mantra recitation and sanskrit practice. Absorbing theories of consciousness, rules of grammar and memorizing mantras and sanskrit paradigms is all a bit taxing....rewarding, but taxing. Couple that with a couple hours of "family time" per day, and somehow, the hours are just all gone!
Things were not so busy until I added a new class (meeting daily for 2+ hours). Thankfully, it is my favorite part of the day. I am sitting with a Belgian practitioner learning the lalita sahasranama stotra, which is a powerful mantra that honors/describes a more subtle form of devi (great goddess). It is beautiful and so powerful. It helps me to feel more concentrated and more in the flow of nature/life. Another great thing about this lesson is its location and company! Jan, my teacher lives at a tiny, lovely ashram right on the ghats. It has a full view of the river and of all 3 cremation grounds, the oldest one Harischandar ghat is very close. The head of the ashram is a jolly Naga Baba (red dhoti, dreadlocks, covered in ashes, rudraksha strands draping from his neck and cigarette dangling from his mouth) who loves to feed people! So, everyday, after we finish the lesson, I am invited to stay for the most delicious lunch. Babaji is a bit of an attention hound, so he loves people to come and sit and listen to his wild stories and tell him how wonderful his food is (it is!!!).
I am finally shifting to a new place. It is not such a great location, but the bathroom and kitchen are attached to the 1 room and it is private, so I do not have to worry about getting dressed to go to the bathroom or climbing 4 flights of stairs every time I forget something in the kitchen. I will miss the Ganges view, but hope to make a deal so that I can still use this roof for gardening and doing yoga.
My little garden is really blooming!! I have a few pots of Swiss Chard and some hollyhocks (all American seed imports... oops). When it came time to thin the Swiss chard, I had enough baby leaves to have a big green salad for breakfast. Eating fresh organic greens was more satisfying than you can ever imagine!! No worries of contamination from poop or pesticide! Ahhhh.....
So that is a snippet from life on the Ganges. Hope all are well back on the N AM continent!
Enjoy the pics. I took them on an early morning boat ride with some of my yoga students from Montreal (super cool gals!).
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